The not-so-Good String

“Do you want men’s thongs?” asked the middle aged store-keeper in Bangalore’s Commercial Street. It took a while for me to understand what he was actually saying, and then later when it struck me I couldn’t digest two things. Firstly, this pot-bellied man sat in a large store selling all kinds of women’s underwear and weirdly enough women of all ages came to him and revealed the size of their assets. But what was more of an education for me was the fact that there were thongs made for men! It was the 60^th anniversary of the bikini, and as an entertainment intern with a news channel, my senior wanted me to help her on a story on the evolution of the itsy-bitsy piece of cloth. Curious cat that I was, I asked him to show me some of them. Disgusting, ugly and unsightly is how I would describe them today. Not only were they an eye-sore, but looked so unattractive, that I refused to even touch them, failing to understand how on Earth could men wear them. That was my first encounter with men’s G-strings and thongs.

Over the years, having seen glimpses of men’s thongs more often, and having read articles on them, and having gotten myself deeper into men’s fashion, I have come to realise that thongs and G-strings are made for men as well. And though most of the others that I have seen around are better looking than the ones I first encountered, I still don’t understand why someone would wear them. What is so great of having a tiny piece of stretchy cloth, which is smaller than a baby’s handkerchief, holding up your wee-willy-winky, while the rest of your most private area is left to breathing fresh air? Not that fresh air is bad for you, but there is a limit to the extent of skimpiness that you can go to when it comes to underwear. And I am sure boxer wearers will more than just agree with me, especially since most boxer loving men feel that even the brief is a little too brief! Though that is not really true, I am not even touching the topic of whether you should go with the boxer or the brief, as this is an argument that has been going on for ages, causing the greatest rift between men at all times—a war that is bigger than any of the ones that Alexander the Great or Ashoka or even Napoleon fought.

Recently, I came across Mr Fashion Conscious, who in conversation revealed that he does own G-strings. Having never tried that piece of so called underwear—I refuse to even acknowledge the fact that it is something that could be a part of someone’s wardrobe—I thought, maybe I should grill him to reveal a few insider points on them. “So, when do you use it?” I asked, trying to be as discreet and tactful as possible as I obviously didn’t want to reveal the reason for my trespassing into private property. “Oh with a pair of board shorts that become quite transparent when wet,” he replied, quite casually. I didn’t really understand the logic behind this. One question that kept revolving in my mind and still do, as I couldn’t gather up enough courage to ask, was why does he have a pair of board shorts that become ‘quite transparent’ when wet. Aren’t board shorts meant to be worn for surfing, which by default is a water sport? What I did manage to ask though was, “But shouldn’t you be covering up underneath instead of uncovering, in such a situation?” “Yes, but if you wear a proper underwear, the seams show through the board shorts and you can see the shape and it looks bad,” is what I got as an answer. So, it is better to leave nothing for imagination, almost revealing your butt through your board shorts, and have a thin piece of string uncomfortably halfway up your great divide, rather than letting people get a slight glimpse of your underwear? Sorry Mr Fashion Conscious, you’ve got it completely wrong here, and maybe it just might be a better idea to stop using those board shorts as some people out there may not want to see what you’d like to show.

A few days ago, as my mind was revolving around this piece, sub-consciously or consciously I did the unthinkable—Google ‘mens thongs and G-strings’. But to an extent I am quite glad for doing so. I stumbled upon many articles that asserted the health effects of wearing tight underwear, the category in which G-strings fall. Though there were many, the one thing that I felt was most important was the fact that they can make a man impotent! Curious? Well, wearing tight underwear increases the temperature of your testicles which is not suitable for the production of sperm. Wow, while that seems like a good way to control population growth, I don’t think I would like to give away my manhood to something as flimsy as G-strings. So, Mr Fashion Conscious, maybe you’d want to rethink this, what say?